A Ton Of Competing Goals, None Of Them Really Being Met
While listening to a podcast yesterday, I heard a guy say he dropped out of college because of a lack of it living up to his expectations.
What he wanted was a supportive environment where he could learn and follow his natural curiosity.
What he found instead was an environment that seemed designed to pull you in a thousand different directions.
His courses were competing with each other for his time and attention.
His social life was competing for his time and attention.
His living situation was competing for his time and attention.
It occurred to me that, yeah, sounds about right.
That’s life, isn’t it?
I think that’s part of the purpose of college, for younger people at least.
I mean, when I think back on college, what it seemed to best prepare me for were the following:
Managing competing priorities
Dealing with complexity
Pushing through even when the effort and reward didn’t seem commensurate
Learning to discern limits and exercise judgment
Stuff like that. I mean, that was what my working life was like, too. it got me ready for it.
I didn’t listen to the rest of the podcast because he said something that did make a lot of sense to me, so I hit pause and went to write this article..
He said He wasn’t getting any satisfaction.
He thought he was being asked to do a thousand things, and was trying to do them, but none of them were getting him anywhere.
Earlier in the day, I had a similar thought to this.
I was Paying attention to my internal dialogue throughout the day.
Have you gotten enough steps in yet?
Have you drunk enough water yet?
Are you going to do a full workout today?
Are you going to do a full rehearsal today?
When will you get a shower?
Are you going to go out and explore the city a bit today?
What is due this week for the class you are taking? When are you going to get it done?
What will you eat today?
How is the target weight goal going?
Weren’t you going to use the last two days to do batch article writing?
You have a full plate coming up tomorrow. When will you get all these things done then?
Jeez, how many things am I actually trying to squeeze in each day?
Is this really working out the way I want?
Let’s Say I Am Trying To Squeeze In Too Much
Okay, but what is the alternative?
Drop out?
Say F’ it to all the things you think are important?
In my research on goal setting and managing your time, I’ve really only heard three things that are the alternative to dropping out and just going with the flow.
Go All In
You find something you are so passionate about that you can’t stop obsessing about it.
The level of passion can vary (high to off the chart), as well as the scope (larger to smaller), but you stick with it.
This is sort of like the One Thing approach. Or the 4-Burners approach.
What is the one thing that matters most? Do it, and let the other things go.
Or …
You have four burners on your stove of life: Family, Friends, Health, Work.
Want to be successful? Turn off one of the burners and let it go.
Want to achieve a “world-class” level of “success?” Turn off two of the burners.
This hyper-focus can lead to great success.
It can lead to burnout, too.
It can also lead to a very lopsided lifestyle.
Plate Spinning
Let’s say You have 8 to 10, or even more, things you are working on.
You want to maintain or make progress on all of them.
What to do?
You do triage.
This is similar to the entertainers who put plates on the ends of poles and then keep them spinning.
This means you have to keep your eye on a lot of plates and move decisively and quickly when one starts to wobble.
This is the most common advice out there. I think a lot of my suggestions in this blog have leaned this way, too.
Define your roles and the goals that support them.
Define your values and the ways to bring them to life.
Design your perfect week and/or day.
I think most of us naturally want to live here.
It gives us “hope” that we can always get better tomorrow.
However, I am not aware of too many people who have achieved greatness with this method.
The exception, perhaps, being the time-management gurus who will teach you how to put these systems into place in your life …
It’s a way of chasing the ever-elusive balance.
This approach can lead to a great level of mediocrity, which is fine, really.
Who says you need to be the best or the greatest at anything, right?
And perhaps you gain some peace of mind.
But, in my own experience, this approach can lead to a growing sense of overwhelm and anxiety.
Three Wishes, Choose Wisely
This is the other major category of advice I hear about in terms of tackling this guy’s problem of “a ton of goals, little progress.”
You get three slots. That’s it. Choose wisely.
It gives you a bit more opportunity to find a middle path between manic obsession and balance.
This is what I have in mind for the idea of Quests.
However, you want to make sure the three things you sign up for are the right things.
Upon reflection, I am somewhat living this system right now.
It’s all I can do to meet my five One Hit Wonders.
And only three of them really take time each day.
A difference now versus in the past is that I am 100% committed to meeting these.
It’s the difference between:
“Oh, I tried today but failed. There’s always tomorrow to start back up again.”
And …
“No excuses, dude. Do you must.”
Everything else in my life?
I hate to admit it, but I feel like I am phoning it in on them to some extent.
I’m doing alright on them, but I am definitely in the balance world for them.
and that leads me to feel stressed and overwhelmed.
I like this three-goals-only approach.
You can’t add another until one of them is completed.
You purposely set a limit on yourself.
Oh, and when you achieve one of those three goals, it doesn’t typically just go away.
More than likely, you will move it into maintenance mode.
However, some goals are more of a checklist.
You want to know the difference between the two.
For example, I had a goal of visiting all 50 states in the USA.
Done. I completed this in 2024. I can let it go.
If this were one of my “3 and only 3” goals, I could replace it with something new and not worry about it.
Then there is my goal of achieving and maintaining my target weight.
This really never goes away.
And if I add a concern for muscle-mass growth and maintenance, it becomes even more of a “lifetime” focus.
True, I could cut back the time required to make this happen.
but it will always take some time.
For example, I could eat a diet high in fiber and protein, and/or take supplements to get the protein I need for muscle mass, and ensure I have a very low-calorie diet.
That’s simple enough.
I bet That alone would ensure I am 80% towards meeeting the goal
However, I like to have sweets every now and then.
And, I like to go out for dinners and drinks with friends and family.
You know, live a little.
But …
This creates a yo-yo effect I don’t want if I am not careful, every day.
Probably a 30-minute workout and one 30-minute run or walk would take care of the rest.
15,000 steps is probably not required.
I am not sure.
Bottom Line On All This?
I’m still learning how to make time for what matters and dealing with closing off options.
Having total time freedom doesn’t seem to make as much difference as I thought it would.
It makes it less stressful, and I am grateful for that.
However, I still face a lot of the same psychological freedom issues that I likely had when I was working full time.
Now they are just way more visible.
And that is the good news.
So, on that happy way to end this article, I’m going to go back and listen to the rest of the story of the guy who dropped out of college.
I am curious if he came up with any outstanding ideas.
I will report back tomorrow.