Piling On: What Is The Real Goal? What Do You Really Want?

Ah, it’s 9am and I have the whole day ahead of me.

Starting at 6:30am, I just finished taking three long walks, with a five- to ten-minute break in between.

The mattress pad and sheets off my bed were put through the wash, and I did a little strength training at the end of each walk.

That’s great, and yet I find myself feeling conflicted, concerned, and wanting to “should” all over myself.

I should go to the open mic tonight.

I should avoid going to the open mic tonight. It’s too far a drive.

I should stop at second walk and write the blog instead of taking the third walk in a row.

I should take my third walk and be done with required walks for the day.

I should start contacting X number of people each day.

I should start planning fun events more regularly.

I should sign up for one or more of those classes I’ve been researching.

I should skip signing up for them, as none of them are in person, in real life.

I should start a new habit of tackling three to-dos each day.

I should limit myself to the most important one each day.

I should start going someplace nearby and be a regular.

I should not go someplace as a paying customer. What’s the point?

I should choose to either give up drinking or donuts, but not both.

I should keep going. It will help with maintaining my target weight and health.

I should start having two drinks per day instead of teetotaling it.

I should avoid wasting time, money, and other unwanted behaviors that might introduce.

I should wait at least until one month with no drinking before I do.

I should start writing new songs.

I should not write new songs until I have my back catalog figured out.

I should test a third apartment or let go of my current one and test a different city.

I should hold onto what I have and appreciate it.

I should allow myself to spend more money.

I should cut back on my spending.

Etc., etc., etc.

WTF?

It’s crazy-making.

I think I have painted myself into a corner with my current One Hit Wonders, and I am glad I have.

They are helping me to stop piling on.

Oh, as you can see from my inner dialogue during my walks, I want to pile on.

Oh yes, I can do more. I want to do more. I should do more, I tell myself.

But hold on a minute. What is it that I am really wanting to do here?

I want to embrace the Fool side of my Bilbo personal myth.

Currently, I am living fully into my Hermit side. My house facilitates this.

It is only when I leave my house that I can be a Fool, right?

Eh, not really.

Let’s take yesterday as an example. I was away from my house for at least half the day.

Not sure how much Fool was included.

Yesterday, I went for a medical procedure. I got up really early, got ready, and left the house at 7:30am. I arrived, checked in, waited for the nurse to fully admit me, and then the procedure was done. It was over by 9:30am.

I had been fasting since Sunday night, so I planned on treating myself to a meal out.

So, I walked up the hill to an “upscale” diner-type restaurant.

The hostess greeted me, and I was seated at a two-top in the middle of the floor.

I hate sitting in the middle of a restaurant unless there is not a good option, like When You are with a large party.

Oh, and there was a large party right behind me, so I felt claustrophobic.

Table in front of me, table behind me. Me sitting there by myself.

Fun times.

The waitress was very pleasant, and was immediately there to take my order. I ordered a big breakfast and a cup of coffee.

The coffee was delicious, and that was enjoyable.

The sun was shining through the windows in front of me, partially blinding and obscuring my views.

I hate having the sun in my eyes, and was tempted to put my sunglasses on, but I didn’t.

iNstead, I pulled out my phone and cleared emails from the last day or so.

Then I sat there, stared ahead, sipping and enjoying the delicious coffee.

Isn’t it great to get out and enjoy a meal by yourself?

Oh yeah.

The meal was delivered. It was good, but the omelette had too much cheese in it for my tastes.

I am not anti-dairy, but I am not a huge fan, particularly of cheese. I like it in much smaller doses than the normal American, it seems.

Rats. Remember to request half the cheese next time you order an omelette, you goofball.

Pancakes were part of the meal. They were delicious.

Pancakes, with Syrup? Yes. How are they different from donuts?

Well, they are not donuts, technically

Otherwise, yeah, why not Just have three donuts instead of three flapjacks, dude?

Flies were buzzing around. Had to swat them away from time to time.

Meal finished, I asked for the check and one more cup of coffee.

Meal, coffee, and tax: about $29+.

With a Tip included, and I like to tip well, the damage was $37 plus change.

Wow, so worth it.

Oh, and You are near Costco, remember, dude?

Yes, I should pop over and pick up some things that are way less expensive in bulk, like more coffee pods, protein shakes, etc. So I did.

About $223 later …

Yep, I saved money doing so. Weird, huh?

As I drove home, I called a friend to let them know the procedure had gone well.

Then I was home, unloaded the car, and got busy writing and posting yesterday’s blog.

After that, I decided to treat myself to one of my favorite takeout meals.

I ordered it, drove to get it, saw lots of beautiful people walking the streets, most likely tourists, picked up my order from the friendly folks at the restaurant, and drove back home.

Then I put it in the oven on low heat while I laid out and got a little sun.

It was 3:30pm when I finished my second meal.

Okay, what now?

Well, I decided to have a Coke Zero soda and listen to a couple more of the dreams podcasts.

Oops, weren’t you trying to escape the algorithm and placate yourself with digital distractions, dude?

Oh, right. Yes, yes, I was.

Hmm. Then what to do?

Oh, I know. Let’s search for some other types of podcasts on subjects you are researching.

I did this for another hour or two.

(I also read a chapter of a book, texted with Lee about Dolly Parton’s passing, and went to bed at 7pm since I had tossed and turned the night before and got up at 5am that morning. It was quite the day.)

I decided to follow a few of the podcasts that looked promising for my learning and research, but didn’t listen to them.

Instead, I decided I could check them out during my walks.

Since I take three walks, as long as I don’t listen to them for more than half the walks, that should be okay.

Right?

So much justification-making …

Well, I did that this morning.

I listened to several from one of the shows I saved, at 1.5 times the normal speed.

The podcaster is a Nice woman, had some interesting ideas, and she is using the podcast as a platform for her coaching and real estate business.

She’s an entrepreneur, and a content creator.

She Been able to get 15 episodes launched between early April 2025 and her last one in early August 2026.

Will she keep going or “pod-fade” like most podcasts and YouTube or other content creator channels do after a year or so?

I am curious because she posted in early April 2026, and then nothing until this recent one.

The most recent one is about being capable, but do you have the capacity? My guess is that her own struggle with capacity will be a part of the story.

So, given all that, what is my goal again?

Why do I want to keep should-ing on myself?

What will I do now?

Look, I have hit the wall.

And dang, this is the way I have lived my life for years and years.

Burnout? Laziness? Mild depression? Obsessive-compulsive disorder?

I don’t know.

I feel normal. I feel like just a regular dude.

I feel like I am just being honest and trying to change.

But …

I will keep tracking my progress on goals and other important metrics.

I will keep writing and posting a blog article each day for a year.

I will keep up my 15,000 steps per day for a year.

I will keep monitoring and ensuring I stay at my target weight for the year.

I will continue to “do my best” at escaping the algorithm. It is insidious.

I will keep rehearsing and polishing my 60+ songs in the back catalog.

I will also do some strength training as a part of rehearsing and my walks.

And that is it, folks.

Consistency and fidelity to those challenges are the goals.

Otherwise, forced boredom is the goal.

Some people go to silent meditation retreats to be alone with their thoughts.

That is what this has turned into.

I can add more when I feel like it, as long as I am completing the “I will’s” above.

When I am ready.

Otherwise, right now, I want to stop piling on.

I want to confront this need, or whatever is creating all this “should-ing” in my mind.

What gives, dude?

I don’t know, but let’s see what happens.