Yesterday, I really tried to go with the flow.
And I did at times, and at other times, I did not.
I am finding it extremely hard to get my normal amount of steps in each day while I am visiting family this week.
and that is causing me anxiety.
This morning, I woke up early, decided to put my shoes on, and go for a walk before other people woke up in the house.
However, I couldn’t get out the door.
The first door was locked, and it was not budging.
Eventually, though, I finally figured out how to get it unlocked.
Then I discovered that the glass and screen door behind it was locked, too.
It simply would not open.
Did I break the locking mechanism?
Jeez, I hope not.
Thus, I decided not to try anymore. I gave up in defeat.
That may sound ridiculous to you, but I didn’t want to break another door lock trying to get out.
There’s a part of me that just wants someone else to try to open the door and, if it is broken, simply play dumb.
I might do that.
Probably not, though. I don’t like to shirk responsibility.
But dang, what a crap way to start the day.
Back to going with the flow and failing, though …
What I seemed to do yesterday was just show up and observe.
I did feel a little stressed because I barely gave myself enough time to get ready to take my mom to her doctor’s appointment.
Her doctor was kind of a fascist, and that caused some stress, but it worked out in the end.
Otherwise, it was a pleasant day.
I had some fun conversations, but I hurried up and waited a lot, too.
And I worried about getting my 15,000 steps in for the day.
I didn’t, but I got close to 13,700, so not terrible.
Glad I have a stockpile of steps, as I think I am going to have to let this goal go this week, too.
If I don’t, I will probably not be able to relax.
If I can Relax at all, which is really at the heart of this experiment I started yesterday.
Look, if I can’t get out of the house, which is typically a very easy thing to do, then what is the universe trying to tell me?
Let it all go, dude?
Yeah, that seems to be the message.
We’ll see.
And tracking calories and protein?
I’ve yet to add it all up from yesterday, and I’m pretty darn sure I overate and overdrank.
Do I just let that goal go, too?
It would be very tempting to do so for yesterday, but I think I will tackle that next, after getting this article edited and posted.
I must keep some kind of standards, right?
Or just let it all go, dude?
I just don’t know.
What is weird about all of this is that I feel like I am enduring a test.
I feel guilty for not keeping up my routines.
I feel stressed about overeating.
I feel stressed about planned fun events that are designed to make me want to overeat and drink.
I can’t seem to relax.
It’s so weird.
Later this morning, after giving up on trying to get out for a walk, I was listening to a podcast as I had a cup of coffee.
It’s a comedian’s podcast, and the guy was talking about how much he hates traveling as part of his job.
He loves it when he’s there doing his act and joining other People’s podcasts as a guest, but the travel wears on him.
Hard.
I could relate to what he was saying.
It’s part of what makes me question what we’re doing out here with this encore career in music I’ve been working toward.
Do I really want to be traveling a good part of the year?
Showing up at venues I’ve never been to before to play a few songs to who knows what type of reception?
Travel is disruptive and full of little wrinkles you don’t expect.
I enjoy it, but I am glad I decided to keep this pleasure trip to a week only.
Engineer Scotty from Star Trek:
“She Can’t Handle all this relaxing, Captain! She’s Breaking up!”
Well, that is a brief recap of day one and my attempt to unplug and go with the flow.
Verdict?
I suck at it.
What will I do differently today?
Dropping from three to only two goals:
Write and post a blog article each day.
Continue my food intake journal and calorie/protein tracking.
Otherwise, I will continue to stay present and see how day two of this experiment goes.
Pray for me.