All I Want To Do Is Have Some Funions: Why Am I On The Wagon?

Yesterday, I think my biggest motivation was to get some donuts at the grocery store. You see, I am addicted to sugar, and I have fallen off the wagon.

In the month of August, I have had some kind of dessert almost every day. I am doing the opposite of what I was professing and doing in June and July.

On Tuesday, I have a medical procedure scheduled. That means I will need to fast all day tomorrow, the day before.

Thus, this is my last day of eating whatever I want.

So, while I am not as driven as yesterday, still, I am motivated to eat whatever I want again today.

I am reminded of my good friend who died of cancer a couple of years ago.

He gained about 50 lbs before his chemo treatments started, thinking he might as well enjoy himself before they started, expecting the treatments to make him lose weight.

When he didn’t lose the weight, he was still happy he indulged himself. I was happy he was happy while he could be.

A big part of the reason I don’t want to eat sweets or drink a lot of alcohol is to maintain my target weight.

And I am staying in my weight range even with these almost-daily sweet treats.

But I am at the top of my “red flag” range.

When I cross the next pound, I am supposed to go into austerity mode. So far, I have avoided both. I am in the range, but not because of austerity measures.

It’s probably because I am consistently getting in 15,000 steps per day, not overeating other things besides the sweets, and I have avoided alcohol for three weeks in a row.

Everything we do, exercise- and diet-wise, adds up in some kind of calculus.

What to do now?

Break the Downward cycle or go with it?

Well, here’s a roundabout way of answering that question.

Can you think of a day in your life when everything was going great and then, all of a sudden, something “bad” happened to you?

You’re having a great time, feeling good, enjoying life, and then BAM!

Something happens out of nowhere, and the whole day is turned into a crisis.

This morning, an image of when I was probably five years old came up. I was at my friend Kelly’s house.

He was a neighborhood boy who lived a block away. I think my brother and I may have even spent the night at their house. They were a very nice family, and they had a dog, a poodle, that I liked.

It was later in the morning, probably a Saturday morning, and Kelly’s mom was in the kitchen rinsing off dishes and putting them into the dishwasher to her right. I was there talking to her for some reason.

The dog started licking the spoons and forks she was putting into the dishwasher.

Somehow, I felt it was my duty to “teach” the dog not to do that anymore.

I remember bending down toward its face and wagging my finger, saying, “No, no, that’s a no-no. That’s a bad dog.” Something like that.

Next thing I know, the dog growls and snaps at me. This shocked me because I thought the dog and I were good friends.

Well, he caught my bottom lip and punctured the skin, causing me to bleed.

Oh man, the waves of pandemonia that event created.

It basically ruined everyone’s day and probably weekend.

It caused a weird and awkward situation for my parents and Kelly’s parents. And quite honestly, I am not sure we were ever as close of friends again after that event.

I remember Kelly’s mom telling everyone who would listen how much the dog loved to roughhouse and play with her and other neighborhood kids, and how shocked they were that the dog had reacted that way.

What I recall was that my parents were very understanding and friendly, and simply took me to an ER clinic of some sort.

I suppose this is the sort of thing some people “sue” over, but they didn’t, and to their credit, wouldn’t try to get something for nothing like that.

It seems I healed quickly, but I do remember I couldn’t eat much for a time. And I remember the prescription to gargle with salt water. Yuck.

As much as I can recall, I believe Kelly’s family kept the dog, which was the right decision. The dog didn’t mean to break the skin. It was just being a dog, Too Alpha, but still, a dog.

What is fascinating about that dog-bite experience is that all I can remember is the chaos and trauma.

Everything up to that point I would have likely called a joyful experience.

However, I don’t remember what we had for breakfast. I don’t remember what games we were playing. Were we watching Saturday morning cartoons beforehand? Maybe. I couldn’t tell you.

No, my clearest memory of the event was standing over the dog, wagging my finger, saying no-no-no, getting bitten, and then all the chaos that came from it.

Luckily, I didn’t develop a phobia of dogs as a result. I probably walked away with a better understanding of dog nature. I still loved, and still do love, dogs.

So, break the cycle of sweets or go with it?

How does this story give me guidance on what to do?

On one level, it tells me that it just doesn’t matter, one way or the other.

I can keep eating donuts every day until I am sick of them.

Or, I can stop after I finish my “last pack,” like a cigarette addict might say.

My health goals don’t seem to be affected that much, and since I have cut way back on drinking, I seem to be able to process the extra sugar and calories.

On another level, it does matter a great deal, and this is the real insight.

All I will likely remember is if something bad happens as a result.

Oh, and something bad is happening as a result, I am sure of it, but I don’t see it coming.

Just like I didn’t see the dog bite coming.

With things like your diet, Hygene, exercise, and money management habits, they all seem to follow the snowball principle of an exponential growth cycle.

Do a lot of the right things, and it takes a while, but soon good results become almost automatic.

Do a lot of the wrong things, and you can skate by on thin ice for a good long time, but eventually, it catches up with you.

So, yeah, I’m going to jump back on the bandwagon of abstinence again.

But not until I enjoy my last cheat day today!

After all, I’m only human.

Whooo!!

If Sheryl Crow were in town and at the local pub, I would join her for beers, too!!

(Nah, JK, but check out her song, “All I Wanna Do,” to know what I am talking about.)