Let Go Of The Chaff, Keep The Wheat (Or Find A Gluten-Free Alternative)
Do you have trouble saying NO?
Well, I thought I was actually pretty good at this.
Turns out, not so much.
Now, when I was younger, yeah, I used to have a lot of trouble.
but over time I learned to be clear about my boundaries.
Particularly about money.
You have to learn this if you want to have a successful path to FIRE and a secure post-FIRE lifestyle.
You have to know when you can say Yes and be able to say No.
Both Dave Ramsey and Warren Buffett have recently been cited in articles advising this. Their advice is pretty simple.
Give if you can, and want to, but don’t let it turn into a “Can I borrow?” (because those rarely get paid back, and often you get repeat requests).
Also, make sure you’re taking care of your financial future (and present).
You don’t want your giving to be at your long-term financial expense.
It’s the cliché idea about flying.
If the oxygen masks come down, making sure you put your air mask on first before assisting others around you.
(God forbid you or I ever have to experience that!)
But wait, there’s more.
There is the general idea of people pleasing, too.
It can take all kinds of forms of saying Yes when you really mean No.
This can be particularly true when it comes to socializing, whether in person or online.
This can lead you to say Yes, and regret it later (particularly on Social Media!).
I still fall into the people-pleasing trap.
I want other people to be happy and successful.
And I like people, so I typically want to be positive, upbeat, and say yes to invites or such.
Then this happens a lot.
You say Yes a month earlier to an invite or such.
You’re thinking, sure, that’s a month away, why not?
But then the day rolls around when you are expected to fulfill on that Yes, and you say to yourself, what was I thinking??
That happens to me more and more these days.
Jeez, I guess I am starting to turn into a grumpy old man about this, too.
Ain’t nobody got time for that, I think someone once said.
A friend of mine has zero trouble saying No to anything and everything. With zero guilt or regret.
That has been instructive for me to witness and learn from.
She’s also admitted to perhaps being somewhat on the anti-social side of the spectrum, but hey, whatever gets you through the night.
Of course, the easiest thing to do is to automatically say No to every invite and never leave your house.
I think they call that becoming a hermit.
Oh, but wait… there’s more!
And it’s the kind of Yes-saying that I now see has really tripped me up in life.
This is saying Yes to ideas, possibilities, and opportunities.
These typically go into some sort of “maybe someday” or “save for later” lists or piles of stuff.
And guess what? I rarely follow through on these.
Let me give you a couple of examples.
A Costco email shows up in my inbox with some cool-looking, high-quality running headphones for a great price.
I save the email.
The sale ends. I delete the email.
Oh well, maybe next time.
A brochure for a cruise through Europe arrives. I save it.
I consider it. I get excited about it. I let the date pass. I finally throw the brochure away.
Then I hold onto the idea.
Maybe someday, right?
Look, some of this is expected, but my goodness, I seem to have a huge issue with this.
This week, I opened my browser on my phone. I had over 220 tabs open.
What in the world?
Oh, they are mostly ideas, possibilities, and opportunities for someday.
Why do I (and/or you) do this?
FOMO, fear of missing out on something great
Loss aversion, psychologically, Can be as painful as the pleasure of actually doing it
You get Dopamine hits from the new shiny-object opportunity or gadget
Saying No is boring, and we don’t want to be considered boring, do we?
Sunk-cost fallacy… dang, I paid good money for this, I should use it… someday
I might need this later. What if I can’t find it when I do?
YOLO, you only live once, you better say Yes when you can!
Scarcity concerns: this will be gone soon, I better do it, get it, or hold on to it
That’s who I want to be… I will hold onto this idea, opportunity, or possibility for when I am ready
I could keep going, but I am sure you get the point.
My goodness.
It’s both stuff and digital stuff.
Everywhere I look, I see piles of “maybe someday” or “I might want or need this later” items.
My life seems to have become their dumping ground if I look close enough.
And most people would consider me a minimalist!
This must change. And it will. Starting today.
My phone now only has 180 tabs open.
That’s a start.