Stuck In Hobbiton Again: From Hermit to Fool And Then Back Again
Why wasn’t I able to see it? Surely I could have predicted this, right? Why do I believe my own delusional thinking?
Here it is, nearly the middle of August, and I have traveled from my hobbit hole basically three times this summer. Way less than I had planned or imagined.
Back in the early spring, I had big plans. I was going to hit the road each week and go visit 7C’s in the area to play at their open mics.
Bellingham
Victoria
Port Townsend
Gig Harbor
Olympia
Astoria
And close-by open mics (1 hour or less of a drive)
Yes, I was going to play 3 or 4 open mics per week. I wanted to group these cities into 4-week rotations.
Bellingham has its own enclosed music scene, offering open mics nearly 6 nights per week, and almost always 5 nights in a row, making for a nice 4–5 day trip.
Victoria and Port Townsend make a nice northwest tour leg, and if I wanted, I could pop into Port Angeles, too.
Olympia to Astoria and back through Gig Harbor makes for a nice southwest journey, and regular local open mic nights would support it as a week-loop tour.
And I could also go to the local open mics by feathering them in on the 4th week.
Then repeat.
By the end of the summer, I would have completed 3 to 4 trips to the various cities in the loops.
But what I seem to have forgotten is that there is something about my hobbit-hole house in the woods that makes me very comfortable and stodgy.
I have fallen right back into the same trap that has caught me every summer since reaching FIRE.
It doesn’t start like this, though.
I arrive back here all excited from the road trip returning from the SE, but then realize I have some “settling in” I need to do.
Oh, that’s okay. I will get started next week.
Come on, dude, cut yourself some slack. Yeah, that’s reasonable.
Oh, wait, I am traveling to Oregon the week after. Why start on the 2nd week?
I’ll start after I return.
Good call, Bilbo Ole Boy.
Oh snap, it’s the first official day of summer.
Yes, time to get going.
And I did.
But, as time goes on, the Hermit side of my Bilbo trickster personal myth continues digging in.
Hey, do you really need to travel to all these cities and towns?
Isn’t the most important thing to get “stage time” and play your songs?
Oh, yeah, good point, Hermit side of me.
And it will save money and time if I just stay local.
And I did.
it was “reasonable”, and I was making progress, and then, off to Portland for a weekend.
That was great, but …
I have yet to recover my momentum before I left.
I am now fully back into full-time Bilbo the Hermit mode.
Today, I am not even wanting to drive 40 minutes to a local open mic.
I want to stay home and work on deep projects.
And I will, at least today, but things need to change. I see that.
It happens all the time here.
It’s predictable.
Earlier this week, I was thinking about the personal development journey that got me to FIRE. I recognized that I have three parts to me that are always battling with each other.
One is my Bilbo personal myth — the one who loves his hobbit hole, and the one who reluctantly goes on adventures, but is always glad he did.
Left to his own devices, he’ll stay at home and have first and second breakfasts, etc., on a regular and predictable basis, thank you very much.
One is my Aragorn personal myth — he’s the one who has a destiny to fulfill, but he hangs out in the wild, in the woods, and in the sleepy taverns of the northwest of Middle Earth.
To integrate, he must embark on a heroic journey, wielding his sword that was broken, and facing his deeper fears and personal dragons.
The third is my desire to do something that matters. It’s a strong vocational pull. Gosh, it’s been there since I was a child, I think, but definitely as a teenager I began to recognize it.
And I have spent a good chunk of my life trying to figure out just what that vocational offering is or could be, but always getting frustrated because I seem to fall short of clarity on just what it is I could do or want to do.
So I spin.
And now I realize that was and has been a big part of the problem.
I was focused too here, trying to figure out my “gift to the world” sort of crap, when I should have been focused more on becoming free to live my truth.
Bottom line?
My home, as wonderful as it is, isn’t going to help me on the next leg of this journey.
I don’t just need to bring more of the Fool side of my Bilbo trickster personal myth into my life; I need to stop being a fool and realize what this place does to me.
There is something about this place that works towards making me become more isolated and hermit-like.
It grabs me, it pulls me in, it soothes me, it feeds me with beauty and natural sensory pleasures, and it makes me not want to leave, see, or sometimes do anything, either.
You see, earlier this week, I was thinking I may have done what I need to do in order to integrate my two trickster parts, and maybe it is time to focus on the Aragorn personal myth integration work.
But, no.
I need to focus on releasing my inner child more. I need to bring more of the Fool side, my “Old Took” side, into my stuffy Baggins myth.
I was definitely reaching the conclusion that a continued focus on “vocational” matters was going to be a dead end, and that is right.
The good news?
This realization has helped me understand and pick the primary identity I will be focused on for the next couple of years.
Want to know what it is?
I suggest you read the “7 Is A Magic Number” article and take a guess.
I will reveal it in tomorrow’s post.
Ooooh, it’s going to be exciting!