Unburdened: Tapping Into Inner Child Enthusiasm

Last night was a weird night of sleep. I went to bed very early, thinking I would get up earlier, but then found myself up a little past midnight.

I had had a dream in which my brother and I were on a mid-level floor of a 50 story high-rise building, sort of like one I used to work in during the 2000s. We were going from room to room listening to a “sales pitch” sort of thing from each occupant.

We got to the corner office on the northeast side of the building, and actor Morgan Freeman was there. He gave an impassioned speech about fighting injustice.

Later, my brother and I were down in the parking garage or such, and he asked what my favorite room was. I quickly said, feeling my emotions swell up inside to the point of tears in my eyes, that it was the one with Morgan Freeman.

However, I also added that it wasn’t the Justice card of the tarot that was the answer for me.

Ah, then what card is it?

I went and checked out his most impassioned speeches as an actor. It wasn’t any of them per se.

In my dream, he was saying something like, “We will be there when there is oppression and injustice!,” as a part of his speech from his corner corporate office.

Anyway, I was up for another almost 3 hours tossing and turning. I considered getting up and just starting the day at midnight, but eventually fell asleep.

This morning, I was in a good mood after my second night of sleep (up at about 7am), but then I fell into the same old trap that has hounded me for years.

I get into checklist mentality.

“Oh, yeah, I need to get going and do x, y, and z.”

“And, I need to add a, b, and c.”

“Dang, I wish I had gotten up earlier.”

“Why can’t I get everything done before noon and just go have fun the rest of the day?”

“Why can’t I sustain my energy all day and night?”

And so on, and so on, and so on …

Do you ever feel like this, or is it just me?

Well, this morning I wanted to just give it the big middle finger.

That sucks. I’m going to play hooky!

I didn’t.

I got my bed made, put on my walking shoes, and hit the road, thinking about cool stuff, taking care of bills and financial obligations when I returned, drafting and editing this post, etc.

But, yeah, I’ve got to get rid of that mental chatter somehow and just let my inner child play.

How?

That is a great question.

I used to love missing school when I was a kid.

First, it was pretending to be sick. Watching crap TV all day and sneaking desserts and snacks.

Glorious.

Then, in middle school, my older brother and his friends started driving me to school, and we’d end up missing first period and coming in with a lame excuse about a car wreck or car trouble.

Meanwhile, they had driven to the local park, lit up some Old Toby, and we’d rock out to old classics like “There’s Never Been Any Reason” by Head East, or something like Led Zeppelin II.

So much fun.

Later, my friends and I started driving, and we got even more bold.

Miss first hour? Forget that, we’re taking the whole day off, suckers!

Flirting with trouble. Mischief. Truancy. That was us.

And I was really getting into Outlaw Country music about that time, too.

Bad influence? Nah.

Then, miraculously, I “woke up” and applied myself in my senior year. That was the year Lee and I first met and formed the first version of the band.

And I made straight A’s the whole year, luckily pushing myself up into the top half of the graduating class.

I felt like I had an axe to grind.

See? I’m actually pretty capable, you fascists. I just hate your system.

This was less so in college, but I also did a fair share of skipping classes then, too. Particularly when I was doing “required” classes.

And my grades showed it.

Once I was in the driver’s seat and it mattered to me, things changed.

Mostly A’s.

good Boy.

The desire to be set free is strong in this one.

I mostly comply now. Yeah, I’ve learned it is better that way.

But, I don’t like being burdened, and yet I do it to myself, in my mind.

What gives? Why do I oppress myself so?

Morgan Freeman, help me!!

The lesson for today?

I don’t know for sure.

I guess if you love your freedom and want to live the good life, be free enough to do so.

Releasing your inner child is key, as I learned at the Northwest Tarot Symposium. But I will save that for a future article.

What I do know is there are 3 things really calling to me from an enthusiastic energy perspective, and that is what I plan to do today.

F’ the checklist, f’ the internal “when are you going to start the next One Hit Wonder?” and “when will you ever figure out the best schedule for your post-FIRE lifestyle?” inner-dialogue crap.

Let’s See if I can overcome the oppression of my own mind.

It’s a journey.